Light a Way
by Sirius1994
Summary: A long one-shot, Wolfstar. Remus is suffering a bad sickness through their last year at Hogwarts and Sirius does everything to help him.


**This is a very different fanfic from my other ones. I usually dislike this kind of storys but at least I made some kind of happy ending.**

**Wolfstar! And lots of credit to my Beta reader "_meow3594"_ Love you and wouldn't have posted this without you :')**

* * *

Sirius had a feeling that this would happen, that Remus got worse. He tried to deny it to himself but Remus didn't seem to get any better soon.

Remus was suffering a bad sickness. Madam Pomfrey couldn't tell what was wrong with him, but it looked like a bad fever, very bad. Remus had been staying in the hospital wing for over two months now, but had moved back to the dorm to be in the setting he was comfortable in. The sickness went up and down, tipsy-turvy. Sometimes he was so healthy he could attend classes, but the next day he could be near death with the highest fever imaginable. During his bad days he couldn't walk, eat or move by himself. He could barely breathe when he was at his worst.

A Friday morning, Remus could be just like any other student... but on the Saturday, he'd be unrecognizable.

**20th January:**

"Hey," said Remus cheerfully as he sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Sirius. Sirius turned and kissed his forehead to welcome him before turning back to his eggs.

"Morning!" said Lily from opposite to him. "Have you started the potion essay?" she asked.

"The one due Wednesday?" asked Remus as he poured tea into his cup.

"Yes. I don't know the answer to question five. You know, about the antidote."

"Oh, well I've only come to the third question," Remus answered. "But we can do it together. It was rather hard to find the correct answers."

Lily nodded in agreement.

Remus healthy days became fewer but no one mentioned it, ever. But they were all scared that he just might drop to the ground any second. He'd become so fragile and vulnerable because of the sickness. He barely ate at all when he had the fever and he had become very skinny. They watched him drink from his cup and half expected him to fall out of his chair. Sirius reached over the table to get Remus a piece of toast, as Remus didn't make a move to do so himself. He buttured it and smeared a layer of Remus' favourite marmalade on top.

"Here," said Sirius and passed the toast he'd made for him. "I want you to eat this."

"I'm not very hungry-"

"I don't care, you're going to eat anyway," said Sirius and made it clear that arguing was useless. Remus stayed quiet and took a bite from the toast.

**22th January:**

"James! Get Madam Pomfrey, quickly!" Sirius shouted and hurried over to Remus, sitting down on the edge of his bed. Remus was pale and sweaty. He breathed quickly and heavily with a lot of struggle, his eyes tightly shut in pain.

"Remus! I'm here!" said Sirius in panic and took Remus' hand in his own. Remus opened his eyes and forced a small smile when he caught Sirius' eyes.

"Good…" he breathed between heavy breaths.

"Pomfrey will be here in just a minute. Don't you worry!"

"M not worried," mumbled Remus as he looked up at Sirius. Sirius envied Remus' bravery, if anyone were a true Gryffindor it was Remus. Sirius worried himself sick, while Remus stayed strong. "I've got you here now…" whispered Remus and squeezed his hand. Sirius smiled and was glad to be to any help, even though he didn't felt very helpful.

"Where does it hurt?" asked Sirius, trying to hide how nervous he really was. He must keep strong for Remus. Remus let out shaky breaths but kept his eyes fast on Sirius' panicked ones.

"Don't mind that...love" Remus groaned. Sirius wanted to toss himself over Remus and hold him close to keep him safe. But he knew that it would probably break Remus' fragile body. Sirius would do anything to take the pain away from Remus right now. He knew it would ease over the night, and sometimes even when Madam Pomfrey gave him some strong painkillers, but it hurt so much to see Remus in this state.

**6th February:**

Two weeks later Remus was on his way to getting better from the fever, but he wasn't fully healthy. The quidditch match against Slytherin would take place this afternoon and Remus didn't want to miss watching Sirius and James play. Sirius had told him that it was okay and that he should stay in bed, but right before the game started, Remus made his way to the quidditch pitch with Lily's help.

They watched in amazement how Gryffindor easily won over Slytherin with over two hundred points to spare. The players were cheering on the ground as Remus walked up to his beaming boyfriend. Sirius' hair was ruffled after the flight and his cheeks flushed from the cold November air.

"Remus?" cried Sirius as he turned around and saw him walk carefully towards him. "I told you, you didn't need to come!" He held Remus in his strong arms and hugged him tight.

"I wanted to see you play." said Remus, and he smiled up at Sirius. The sun shone through his golden hair and made his eyes sparkle in the light. He looked beautiful, and there were no signs of illness at all. Sirius smiled back and leaned down to catch Remus' lips. As they shared a warming, sweet tasting kiss,the crowd in red and gold walked up to the castle to celebrate their victory.

"Sirius! Come on, the party's starting!" yelled James.

**28th February:**

"Now class, turn to page 78 and read through the instructions and ingredients of the potion." said professor Slughorn to the class. "And as I said, the most important... Mr Lupin? Is something wrong?"

Everyone in the classroom turned to look at Remus, who stood up with his eyes fixed on the table in front of him. Without saying anything he quickly ran out of the classroom. Sirius watched him from where he sat next to James, rising to collect Remus' books.

"Don't worry, i'll take it." said James quietly to Sirius, who gave a nod in response before running after Remus. He didn't need to search far, as he knew he'd gone to the dorm.

"Remus?" he called hesitantly when he reached the dorm. He didn't hear anything though, so he walked towards the bathroom and opened the door. On the floor sat Remus, with a pale face and tears slowly running down his cheeks. His shirt was stained sick.

"Oh Rem..." sighed Sirius sadly and walked over to Remus, grabbing a towel. He sat down next to him and dried Remus' chin and shirt.

"I don't want to be sick…" cried Remus without meeting Sirius' eyes. This broke Sirius heart to hear, and there was nothing he could do about it. He reached out his arms to wrap them around Remus but Remus moved away, "Don't, Siri, I'm gross." sniffed Remus as he dried his tears on his sleeve. Sirius launched forward and gripped Remus tightly in his arms. Shocked at the sudden movement and by the force, Remus almost fell backwards.

"Don't be ridiculous," mumbled Sirius into Remus' soft hair. "It's going to be alright...we'll make it..."

**3rd Mars:**

"Sirius?" whispered Remus, close to Sirius' ear.

"Sirius?" he tried again a bit lauder this time. Sirius shifted and groaned before opening his eyes. Over him lay Remus, fully awake and with his eyes fast on Sirius' face.

"Mm...what?" mumbled Sirius, still not completely awake. "Is something wrong?How are you feeling?" he asked and thought of how sick Remus had been the day before.

"I'm fine, I'm just saying that our test starts an hour and we should get ready."

"Wha- Rem, honey, you're not going. You're sick," said Sirius and closed his eyes again, ready to doze off.

"But...but I'm not sick," Sirius reached out his hand to place it on Remus' forehead.

"Remus you have fever, just take it easy."

"But Siri, I've been practicing all week for this test. I want to do it." said Remus in a sad voice.

"Professor McGonagall said you could do it next week."

"No, I want to do it now and see how much I can..." Sirius sighed and didn't answer. He felt Remus finger his t-shirt.

"I can do it...I've been practicing..." mumbled Remus quietly with a sad and disappointed voice. Sirius peaked through one of his eyelids to look at Remus. When he saw Remus' sad eyes focused on his shirt where his fingers were playing with his collar, he took a deep breath and sighed.

"Fine," said Sirius impatiently. "I'll take you to the test, but then you're going straight to bed okay?" Remus smiled and reached forward to kiss Sirius. How someone could be so eager to write a test was a mystery to Sirius, but at least it made his Moony happy.

* * *

That night Remus' fever had gone up and he was coughing every now and then, which made him appear even sicker. He and Sirius lay together under the duvets in Sirius' bed, both awake.

"Rem?" asked Sirius quietly, not wanting to disturb the silence.

"Hm?" Remus snuggled further into Sirius' neck with his head resting on Sirius' shoulder. He stroked his hand over Sirius' bare chest and enjoyed the warmth of his skin.

"I want to ask you something," said Sirius and placed his hand on top of Remus' chest.

"Ask away," mumbled Remus.

"It's not really a question more like a suggestion," said Sirius and paused for a while. He opened his mouth and closed it again several times, before he gathered enough courage. "I think we should get engaged."

"What?" asked Remus, and placed his head next to Sirius' on the pillow to be able to face him. His eyes were huge in surprise and his lips were slightly parted.

"Remus, I love you. Over everything in the world…and I want to spend my whole life with you," he said and felt his heart beat faster. "So I mean, why wait? We don't have to think about our wedding or anything just get engaged…like a bond between us."

Remus bit his lip and gave Sirius a sad smile. "Siri…"

"Don't you love me?" asked Sirius.

"Yes, of course I do. It's just…you shouldn't waste your life on me."

"But I love you!"

"I know. But if something happens, I don't want you to feel guilty or be stuck with me."

Sirius was about to protest but Remus just coughed weakly into the pillow. He turned his face to look at Sirius again and swallowed. "Sorry," he mumbled. "But…You're young and you're handsome," continued Remus and reached out his hand to touch Sirius chest again. "I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy with you and I'm going to ask you now and I won't take no as an answer!" said Sirius firmly and wrapped his arm around Remus' waist. Remus breathed quickly despite his dry throat and tried not to cough, as it would ruin the moment. Sirius bit his lip, suddenly nervous and reached his hand under the pillow. With his eyes focused on Remus he pulled out a small gold ring.

"Remmi…will you please marry me?" asked Sirius and looked at Remus with an almost pleading look. Remus stared at the ring with tears rolling down his cheeks. "Rem-?"

"Yes!" Sobbed Remus. "Of course I'll marry you!"

**5th April**

Sirius tried to keep his hopes up that Remus would get better, it was the only thing he could do. He spent all his time with Remus when he was sick and the teachers would let him skip their lessons when Remus needed him, which happened more often now. Today was one of those days.

"There, and take this jumper too. You might get cold," said Sirius and helped Remus with his night clothes.

Remus just mumbled something in respond and looked dreamily out of the window. It was early January and it was dark outside, and the stars were glittering in the sky. Thankfully Remus had been well enough to come to the Christmas feast, but two days after that he hadn't been able to get out of bed.

"Sirius?" said Remus with his gaze on the stars. "Do you see that?" His eyes were wide and gleaming. When he had the fever he started acting a bit...bizarre. He lost the sense of time and seemed to live in his own little world.

"What?" asked Sirius gently, pulling Remus' arm through the sleeve. He was used to Remus' incoherent talks.

"The stars...they're beautiful..." he said. Sirius turned to the window and watched the sky.

"They are." said Sirius when he'd turned back to Remus. He gave Remus a smile and stroked away the hair from his steaming forehead. Remus looked back at Sirius and smiled as if he had no problems at all.

"Now, you're going to bed." said Sirius and lifted the covers for Remus to lie down. He helped Remus down and pulled the covers up to his chin. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at Remus who was slightly flushed and breathed very slowly. He smiled softly at Sirius and didn't seem sick at all, but the truth was that he could barely get any worse.

"Sirius, you don't need to fuss over me. I'm fine." said Remus in his strangely soft 'far-away' voice.

"I know Rem. I know you're fine," said Sirius and stroked his chin. The only light in the room came from the flames in the fire and spread a red warming light. Remus had closed his eyes in contentment as Sirius stroked his hair.

"Siri..." he asked without opening his eyes.

"Mm...?" hummed Sirius and watched his worn out boyfriend. Remus was his everything, if he lost him he didn't know what to do. He could never stop loving him and he would do anything to make him better. He knew that Remus loved him back because even if he'd didn't knew what day it was or where he were, he still knew that he could find safety with Sirius.

"Can you kiss me?" asked Remus softly.

Sirius smiled. How could he ever say no to that? So he leaned down and pressed his lips gently to Remus'. Remus' lips were colder than his own but still soft like they've always been.

When he pulled away he heard Remus sigh. "Thanks, that was nice." mumbled Remus. He reached out his hand and touched Sirius' cheek. Remus slightly trembling hand felt cold against Sirius' skin so he brought his own hand up and placed it over Remus' to warm him. Remus smiled at the sweet gesture. "You're so handsome..." he said quietly and mostly to himself.

Sirius didn't answer and just studied Remus' dreaming eyes and parted lips. He wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. He acted as if he was high on something, but that's understandable since he takes a lot of medicine. The fever made him dizzy too but at least the pain seemed to ease. The main problem now was his weakness, even breathing took a lot of him.

"Sirius?" he said slowly.

"Yes love?" whispered Sirius gently and held his hand tightly in both of his.

"If I die-" Sirius eyes widened in shock and he immediately interrupted Remus.

"NO! You're not dying Remus." he said sternly and held on to Remus' hand even tighter. "This is just a fever, you'll get better soon!" Remus didn't seemed bothered about what he'd just said at all. He even gave Sirius the tiniest smile with his gleaming, big eyes on him.

"But I mean, if-" he tried again and made effort on the 'if'.

"No!" said Sirius and shook his head. "No, no no."

"But Sirius, if, if, if IF, I die..." Sirius eyes softened and he stared into Remus' and held his hand in a deadly grip. Remus swallowed and continued when he was sure that Sirius wouldn't interrupt him again.

"-I'm not scared," said Remus, and smiled a small smile. He looked so much like a child. Sirius felt his throat burn and eyes go blank with tears.

"No?" he said in a soft and high voice.

"No, because I know that I just have to wait for you a couple of years and then, then we will be together again," said Remus without any sadness in his voice.

Sirius didn't bother to keep his eyes dry as the tears run down his cheeks. He stubbornly shook his head.

"It won't take long cause you know what I think? I think time passes quicker when you're dead. It will feel like a minute and then you'll be with me,"

"But...but I'm with you now. You're not going to die," sniffed Sirius. "What kind of idea is that!"

"It's not an idea and it's not really my choice to make…" said Remus calmly. "Don't be afraid, cause I'm not," he said and smiled. "If anything happens, I'll see you soon."

Sirius shook his head as the tears flowed down his cheeks. He was not going to let Remus leave him. Why did Remus seem so careless and not scared at all? He had acted like this before, un-present and really out of his mind. His talks never made any sense at all at this state, but this time it was different. As if Remus knew something that Sirius didn't.

"Don't be silly, why would anything happen?" Sirius sobbed with a hint of annoyance in his voice. Why would Remus do this to him? Of course they would be able to save Remus, they managed every other time!

"Siri...when you..." Remus took a long pause. "…It's strange really." he said slowly with a dreamy voice.

"What is?"

"The feeling I have...it's strange...When you feel this, you will know."

"Know what?" Sirius got frustrated, he couldn't understand a word of what Remus was saying. He couldn't tell if Remus was just rambling like he often did when he had high fever, or if he really meant something by it.

"I'm tired. So tired..." sighed Remus but kept his small smile on his pale lips. "You're staying with me, right?"

Sirius sighed and looked away. He wouldn't get any sense out of Remus tonight, so he could just as well drop the subject. Sirius quickly dried away the last tears and sniffed before turning back to Remus.

"Yes," he sighed. "Of course I'll stay."

Sirius lifted the covers and lay down next to his cold boyfriend. "Come here." he mumbled and pulled Remus into his arms and held him tightly.

"I love you." mumbled Remus when they were all set and comfortable. "Don't forget that."

"I won't forget it." said Sirius. Why on earth would he forget that? They usually told each other every day. "I love you too," he said and fell asleep right after Remus, holding onto his hand and feeling the golden ring on his finger.

* * *

The next morning Remus didn't wake up.

Sirius couldn't wake him no matter what he did. Not with James' help and not even after yelling at Peter to get Madam Pomfrey. Remus lay pale and motionless on Sirius' bed, his golden hair spread beautifully on the pillow and his lips slightly parted. For the first time since he got sick he looked content and relaxed. He had never looked more beautiful.

When Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall arrived in the dorm, they found Sirius clinging to Remus' thin and cold body. He had his arms wrapped around Remus in a tight grip and his face buried in Remus' soft hair. James and Peter stood next to the bed with tears in their eyes and watched their friend cry his heart out. It hurt James so much to see his best friend break down like this.

Sirius had given up on yelling at Madam Pomfrey to do something, anything to help Remus. Now she stood behind with her hand covering her mouth as tears fell down her cheeks. She had known from the moment she'd arrived that there was nothing to do.

With much effort James had finally managed to move Sirius off of Remus' dead body. Sirius had cried, yelled and struggled with all his force to hold on to Remus but eventually given in and fallen into James' arms in a tight embrace.

The next day Remus' parents had arrived to the school to say farewell to their son. Mrs Lupin had been devastated and given Sirius a dozen of desperate hugs. Mr Lupin had been stiff and pale; he hadn't spoken a word to anyone.

Days, weeks, and months passed since Remus' death. Everything went on as normal except the fact that nothing was the same. Sirius had went and gotten himself blind in his grief, and no one would recognize the young Black in his state. His grades had suffered, he barely spoke to anyone and he only went down to eat when James forced him to.

After their time at Hogwarts Sirius got himself a flat near the one that Lily and James shared. If Remus had been alive, he would've been as surprised as Sirius to find the couple living together. They had never got along very well in school. Sirius hadn't bothered to get a job, as he spent his time fighting for the order. When he found out that James and Lily were in great danger, he immediately offered himself as their secret keeper. He would sacrifice everything to keep his friends safe, he had stopped caring for his own life a long time ago. Remus had been his whole world, his everything. He had nothing left to lose...

When Sirius along with the Order found out that Peter was selling James and Lily to Voldemort, he had furiously searched for Peter and faced him in an alley not far from their home. Sirius had fought Peter with the intention of killing him and he would have succeeded if not Voldemort had shown up together with his followers. The Order came to the scene quickly after that to help but it was too late. Sirius died. Three years after Remus and twenty years old.

* * *

Sirius lay flat on the ground. It felt strange somehow... it was neither soft nor hard. He stirred and slowly peeked through his eyelids. The bright light blinded him and he immediately shut his eyes again. He felt strange too. Lighter and somehow better, like if all his problems and concerns were gone. He opened his eyes again, this time prepared for the light. He looked up at the ceiling which he found familiar but he had to think for a while before he realised where he was. Eager to get a closer look at the place he rose from the floor and found himself standing in the middle of Gryffindor's common room. The room seemed brighter and cleaner but otherwise looked exactly the same.

"Sirius."

Sirius heart stopped dead as he heard his name being called from behind him. He swallowed and couldn't believe what he'd just had heard. After some shaky breaths he turned around slowly on the spot and his eyes widened in shock.

"I told you. I told you we would see each other soon." said Remus. Remus stood beside the armchair in front of the fire, the one they'd cuddled in so many times before. His eyes were glittering and his hair was shining, light as gold, and he looked happy and healthy. His face showed no signs of pain or sickness.

Sirius felt his eyes fill with tears and in less than a second he had rushed across the room and into Remus' arms. Remus held on to him with his face buried in Sirius' shoulder. Eventually, they pulled away and looked up into each other's eyes instead, still smiling widely. Sirius didn't hesitate for a second. He leaned down and touched his lips against Remus', kissing him desperately. He cried of happiness as he held his angel tightly in his arms, never letting go again.

* * *

**It was so hard to kill Remus and I cried through the whole scene...**

**Please review! I've been working on it since September last year and I'd like to hear if it's any good ^^**


End file.
